


maybe if you let me

by orphan_account



Series: stay [3]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Ex Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Break Up, ex-lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 15:31:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7646710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I want to help"</p><p>"You could, you know."</p><p>(title kinda taken from the song "everything's embarrassing" by sky ferreira)</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe if you let me

**Author's Note:**

> hey. this work does not include rape/non-con scenes but there is a bit of emotional manipulation going on (i just don't know if it's serious enough to be seen as coercion, but it's there). i just wanted to let you know.

Frank had always needed to save him. This Gerard knows.

He remembers lying in Frank’s couch, Frank’s fingers dancing against the exposed skin of his arms. His forearms. Shit.  
He remembers Frank not saying anything, but kissing him especially deeply that night when they’re alone, undressing him as slowly and gently as possible. It’s the first time they have sex, and Frank takes his time to kiss every scar, scab and bruise. Gerard is happy, but he’s never felt so fragile before. Frank treats him like he’s made of glass. That’s what loving someone as fucked up as him must be like, he thinks.

Gerard knows Frank has always needed to save him. That’s why at the next house party he sees Frank at he drinks a little more than what he’s used to (although lately he’s been drinking quite a bit), makes a proper mess of himself and stumbles ‘unintentionally’ into Frank’s path.

“Hey, watch it-“ Frank’s eyes meet his and his expression softens “Gee? Wha- Fuck, you’re wasted.”

“No m’not” Gerard says, slurring his speech in just the right way. “Bathroom’s that way, right?” he trips and stumbles against Frank, stays there for a moment.

“Hey,” he buries his face in the crook of Frank’s neck, and something inside Frank melts “You’re wearing that aftershave I like” Frank wraps and arm around him, helps him to his feet.

“Come on, you gotta rest”

Frank drags him to a nearby bedroom, and Gerard finds himself wondering how the fuck it is he knows his way around this house. Come to think of it, he doesn’t even remember who the host is. Fuck, maybe he did drink more that he can handle. When Frank lets go of him, he realizes how dizzy he actually is and goes to sit down on the bed, head held between his hands.

“I’ll get you some water, yeah? Stay here.”

Gerard wants to throw in a witty remark about how he couldn’t move even if he wanted to, but Frank leaves before he manages to form a coherent sentence in his brain. He comes back with the promised glass of water and sits by Gerard on the bed, handing him the water and keeping a considerable distance between them. Gerard drinks, but he doesn’t thank him. After a while, Frank’s the first one to speak.

“Are you alright?” his voice is heavy, gentle and concerned but condescending in a way. Gerard kind of hates him for it.

“Not really.” Gerard feels his insides churning. It reminds him of when they started dating, how he was nervous all the time. No, that was a good kind of nervous. This sucks.

“I want to help” Frank assures him.

It’s so funny, Gerard thinks, how his words are sweet but he’s got that voice on, the one he uses when he becomes The Frank Iero, the tough guy everybody loves who gets in a different fight each week and gets invited to parties all the time. It’s nothing like the voice he’d use when he’d tell Gerard about how his parents were fighting again, nothing like the one he’d use while calling him ‘baby’. It’s always been weird to Gerard how people change the version of themselves they put out there constantly.

“You could, you know” Gerard’s hands makes its way to Frank’s, intertwines their fingers “You can make me feel better.”

Frank releases his hand from Gerard’s, but he uses it to caress the side of his face. There’s this distance, this tarnished feeling to that gesture. “I don’t want to make you _feel_ better”, he says “I want to help you _get_ better.”

Gerard presses raises his hand and presses it against Frank’s. “Then give me some closure here, will ya?” he chuckles darkly “I just need something… ” He knows he’s about to cry, and he is careful to let it show in his voice. He knows Frank’s weaknesses “Something to hold on to, yeah?” He turns his head and kisses the palm of Frank’s hand, tears already rolling down his cheeks. Frank can’t say no to that. He never could have.

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride home.”

 

It’s all too familiar; the sound of the door as they shut it close so that no one will hear, Frank’s fingers in Gerard’s hair as he moans against his lips, the slide of his skin against the mattress as Frank fucks him into it, Frank’s tongue on his skin and in his mouth, his lip ring against his teeth. It’s the most silent sex they’ve ever had. No ‘baby’s, no ‘Frankie’s, only breathy moans like whispers and the sound of skin against skin.

Afterwards, Gerard doesn’t feel any different. He feels as though he should. They don’t talk; they just lay together for a while, like they’re both trying to make sense of what just happened. And then, there it is. Frank’s gentle touch against Gerard’s forearms, like he’s tracing ancient carvings. He holds Gerard’s wrist to his lips and frowns, like he’s trying to delete all the cuts and scars that have ever been there, make them disappear, cure him.

Gerard knows he can’t, deep down inside. But he doesn’t say anything.

**Author's Note:**

> oh noooo.  
> i wrote this in a bit of a rush, since this will be the last update for a while since i'm going away for a few days and i didn't want my next update to be in 10 years. that's mainly the reason why this came out too long for my personal taste, i just didn't spend as much time as i would have liked to in it, sorry about that. hope it's not too terrible.  
> also i never mentioned that none of this are beta'd, so if you wanna give me a hand with that i'd super duper appreciate it.  
> i'm a bit drunk.


End file.
